Socializing.

I’m what we will call “socially awkward”…like really hardcore. I’ll laugh nervously at anything you say, I will worry more about how I’m acting versus listening to the person I’m in front of, I hug or shake hands with an uncoordinated derpiness, and I most likely would prefer being at home with my cat than hanging out in a group.

That being said, I’m hanging out with actual live people tonight. We are going to play some games. I’m tired and I want to stay home, but I know the second I get there I will have fun and love that I decided to be out in the world doing something with my self.

One of the nice things about being single is I don’t have to worry that my other person is not enjoying themselves. I can decide to go, and it’s not as stressful a situation. Going out doesn’t turn into a fight about what each other is wearing, or how much the other person doesn’t like my friends. I just go…and most of the time I have fun. Fun. I’m learning to have it again. I still miss being in a relationship…yikes…we aren’t going to go down that rabbit hole tonight.

Anyways, I wanted to document this moment because I’m going out…a rarity recently. I’m on my happy pills again, so life is okay. I don’t hate myself as much, and I’m enjoying life a little more, including hanging out with friends.

So here I go. Watch out world…you are about to get a dose social awkwardness.

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About Amelia Clare

32 year old queer ethical vegan. Constantly questioning my existence in a world I feel I don't fit into very naturally. A pessimistic bundle of anxiety and depression.
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