Paranoid AF

So, I’m reading a health book (I will talk more about it during my health and fitness March month). This book is scaring the crap out of me. Remember how I worry about death more the happier I am? (read more here) This book talks about heart attacks, strokes, cancer and on and on. I’m vegan. I have the blood pressure of an athlete (or so I was told when I was last in the hospital). I really have no reason to worry about these things, but I am. I keep thinking even if I work really hard and eat healthily my whole life…what if I die of a heart attack anyways? What if it’s all for nothing? It’s not all for nothing I know. I’m vegan primarily for animal rights reasons. This doesn’t keep my mind from spinning around the idea of death. What if I eat right and take care of myself and die in a car accident anyways? What if????!!!! So many what ifs.

6e46b74df20930e5331edf62fc949357Anyways…I read this article the other day (read means I actually skimmed it…who has the attention span to read an entire article anymore…I kid…but really…) The headline alone makes me a little okay with the thought of dying. “Quantum Theory Proves Consciousness Moves To Another Universe After Death” I like that idea. I just worry about the pain and fear that is associated with death more than the death itself I suppose. I do believe in the power of the universe. I’m not big on god, but the universe I can get behind. It is essentially the same idea though isn’t it? The universe creates. Hmmm…I’m thinking too much this morning. My mind is kind of on an uphill spin.

Anyone remember the show on The History Channel simply titled “The Universe?” I use to watch it to comfort myself. I’m feeling like I need to take this one off the shelf and watch it again.

So, on to the day where I hope I can keep this body alive…or ya know…not worry about it so much. Toodles…yep, just said that.

❤ Amy

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About Amelia Clare

32 year old queer ethical vegan. Constantly questioning my existence in a world I feel I don't fit into very naturally. A pessimistic bundle of anxiety and depression.
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