Vlogging and Friendship.

Well, I have started the vlogging process. I have filmed 3 times and I’m not happy with any of them. Vlogging is surprisingly harder than it looks. The talking into the camera bit. I don’t have many issues with the editing.

So, my reason for vlogging? It sounds quite pathetic which is why I think I’m having a hard time communicating it on camera with a “welcome” post. I want friends guys. I love the community that youtube is and I’d love to have my own little corner of that, where it’s okay for me to be honest, weird, silly, and sad.  Where I can be loved because of that. I’m not looking for a million subscribers. Hell, 10 would make me giddy. Anyways, the problem I’m having with the first video is that I feel my “mission” is so vague. I not only want friends but I want to be a friend. Story time…

On New Years I should have been a depressed mess. But I wasn’t…because of youtube. I mentioned it before, but I watched My Drunk Kitchen, You Deserve A Drink, and Grace Helbig videos all night and into the morning. I brought in the New Year with an absolute laugh and smile on my face.

I want to be that for someone. I do enjoy being a friend and I’m quite a good one. Though right now I’m lacking in the friendship department. That’s why I want a youtube channel. I want and want to be a friend. *sigh* How do you communicate that on camera without sounding like a complete loser? I’ll figure it out I’m sure, but I’m more than open to suggestion. PLEASE help.

In other news. I was suppose to have therapy on Sunday but I’m going to see Emily Wells instead! Anyways, I rescheduled to Tuesday but I’m completely freaking out. Tuesday sessions are at her other office. A DIFFERENT OFFICE. Change hater here. So, I plan on getting there early because it’s in the city and who knows what traffic will be like. I also hate doing therapy right before I work.

I’ve also been hanging at my parent’s house a lot lately, mostly on my days off, so I can be with little Cynthia. She seems to be remaining stable at this point. While I was home I got in some snuggle time with her little brother Emmett…

So yeah, sorry this post was so long. I hadn’t posted in awhile!

❤ Amy

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About Amelia Clare

32 year old queer ethical vegan. Constantly questioning my existence in a world I feel I don't fit into very naturally. A pessimistic bundle of anxiety and depression.
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