T minus 2:30:00

At 3:20 I will have my legs in stirrups…that’s what they are called right? I am doing my best impression of some strong, confident, healthy woman at the moment. Inside I’m absolutely falling apart. I can’t cancel this appointment…i took me years to even make it and I was so proud when I did. I just need to survive until 4:00 when hopefully all hands and instruments will be out of my vagina.

*sigh*…I’m breathing. I’m also finishing up laundry and I’m going to shower later so I will only have been sitting in my clothes for a short period of time before I have to undress. I’ve been googling “how to prepare for a pap smear” and “pap smear horror stories” for the last hour. Yeah, that latter one is probably not helping my anxiety.

So yeah, I’m hoping all goes well and I’ll just be able to come back here and report that all this worrying was for nothing. But then..ya know…there is the waiting game where I find out if my “cancer paranoia” is real or make-believe.

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About Amelia Clare

32 year old queer ethical vegan. Constantly questioning my existence in a world I feel I don't fit into very naturally. A pessimistic bundle of anxiety and depression.
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