Out After Dark

So, I want this blog to be supplemental to my vlog. I’m sorry I’ve abandoned this space for a few days. It’s interesting how vlogging kind of took this over. Vlogging every day has been an interesting experience. I’ve really enjoyed it, but only just realized how hard it is to come out with quality videos. It’s been a fun project though. And I’ve made it to day 9!

I had something really scary happen the other night as I came home from one of my work meetings. I touch on it in my vlog, but I think I’ll mention it here. I’ve noticed that the more I share the more secure I feel. It’s like I have everyone I’ve told around me, protecting me.

Thursday night I walked from my car to my apartment. As I made my way down the street I noticed a man throwing out his garbage and immediately got that feeling. The one where you know something is wrong, though can’t quite place a finger on it, and convince yourself you are being paranoid. I slowed down so I would not be in front of him. As it turns out he was headed in the same direction as I was, but I fell far enough behind that I couldn’t see him. As I approached the narrow walkway leading towards my apartment building I saw him. He had a garbage can or some large metal container turned upside down. I don’t know what he was doing or exactly what it was. Even though I was scared, I gave him a smile as I walked by. Thinking this would show confidence. I don’t remember what his face looked like, only that he was wearing a dirty green hoodie. As I walked past, I heard the metal container drop to the ground and foot steps following behind me. I sped up. The footsteps sped up. The man walked with a limp and I could hear that as I was almost running down the walkway. He was right behind me. I reached to door, luckily had the key ready to go, and just as he was almost right next to me I opened the spring loaded door, struggled with the key a bit, and slammed it as quickly as I could. The door locks from the inside. I was safe. Terrified, but safe. I should have called the police but I was just in such shock. Friday afternoon I tried to make a police report, but since it was no longer an emergency situation there wasn’t much I could do.

I’ve talked this over with my friend, brother, and therapist. My brother took me to get mace the next day and I’ve felt a little safer with it. My therapist is the most amazing person in the world…have I mentioned that before? She is just so kind and I immediately feel better in that office. It’s so strange because I used to absolutely dread being there. Anyways, I’ve been scared to be out after dark, and so far have gotten in early enough. The weekdays are going to be harder to get in while it’s light outside.

So that’s what went on. I lived. And I honestly feel a little silly for getting so hyped up about it. That was my experience though and my reaction. I shouldn’t minimize it. Though that’s really tough for me.

Stay safe everyone.

❤ Amy

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About Amelia Clare

32 year old queer ethical vegan. Constantly questioning my existence in a world I feel I don't fit into very naturally. A pessimistic bundle of anxiety and depression.
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