Scared+Nervous=*Snervous

*Credit to Tyler Oakley for the perfectly accurate term.

I drink coffee when I’m nervous. I’m not sure how smart this is. It’s kind of like smoking. That green Starbucks straw gives me such a high.

I just purchased my ticket to Hawaii, booked my hotel, and hostel stay. I am so fucking scared. Actually, I can’t tell if it’s fear or excitement. Maybe a little of both. Remember that picture I posted when I was first contemplating this vacation? The one of the Hilton? Well, that’s where I will be staying. Vision board ftw. King bed, ocean view, private lanai. What the hell have I done? I can do this. Everything will be okay.

I was going to go to the grocery store after my coffee visit, but my nerves won’t let me. I have enough food to possibly carry me through the week. Yams and chili, spaghetti, quinoa, beans and enchilada sauce. Yeah, its not glamorous. Here’s the sad part….I will run out of coffee in T-minus 3 days. No better time to quit I suppose. I’m dreading the nausea that I will inevitably experience, as I’ve experienced it every time before trying to quit. I sound like a drug addict don’t I?

When I was walking through the parking lot I noticed that Bartell’s is hiring. I’m going to go grab an application. If I can get some part time work before I leave maybe my nerves will chill out a bit.

*Deep breath* Everything is okay. Money is coming in.

As I finished this post a friend just invited me to dinner. Social life will be nonexistent after this. Just one more hangout.

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About Amelia Clare

32 year old queer ethical vegan. Constantly questioning my existence in a world I feel I don't fit into very naturally. A pessimistic bundle of anxiety and depression.
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